BPJ Inc: Helping...

....Or the value of coping tools.

Background (or my experience)

Before I start, I'd like you to try something.
Sit comfortably and close your eyes.
Gently- GENTLY- press your palms against your eyes to the point right before it starts to hurt.
Now hold that pressure for a minute.
Seeing sparks and flickers in your vision? Let go, open your eyes and try to focus on something.
It's hard, isn't it?

Now imagine experiencing that kind of out of focus life for 15 years straight.

That was my life. I couldn't focus on anything. I walked around in a constant daze, with no idea what caused it or what to do about it. I looked at my hands and they didn't feel like my own. I looked out at the world and felt like I was looking through a mask. My peripheral vision was compromised and my focus was not happening.
When I talked about getting help, I was met with disbelief and sometimes even hostility.
"You don't need that."
"Just snap out of it."
"Have you tried to not be so gloomy?"
"You'd feel so much better if you stopped being so emo."

Things didn't improve a whole lot after I got help. To say that I've been to see some absolutely stupid mental health care professionals would be an understatement. (Yes, I am aware that I obviously haven't found a therapist that works for me, and the methods of the therapists I've met just didn't work for me. I call the people I did meet stupid because of their absolute lack of willingness to change their methods, even after they noticed that what they were doing wasn't helping, or even working.)

I slammed head first into a mental and emotional breakdown on a Saturday in March 2013. The stress and pressure to perform at more than 100% (full time studies and part time work) all the time got to be too much and I couldn't take it anymore. I did nothing but lay on my bed or on the sofa, crying, for two days. I had troubles breathing and my pulse was either frantic or barely noticeable. On Monday, I went to the doctor's office and was immediately put on sick leave. In May 2013, I started on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication, and suddenly, I could see again. The world became so beautiful as I could focus. In connection with this sick leave, I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder, chronic Depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Borderline Personality Disorder (so many pretty names, right?) 

Actual Topic

The problem with mental health and mental disorders is that all humans are different. Our brains are made of millions of electric pathways firing at different times and because of different reasons. The levels of neurotransmitters and hormones in each person's brain differs from everyone else'. Because of this, I can only use my own brain as an example. I can't generalized other than when describing the definitions in DSM-5 (mental health handbook).

The one thing I have learned is the importance of two things - access to coping tools and asking for help when you need it. These two things are difficult for different reasons, but can be very important, especially when your mind is turning on you and the JerkBrain is chanting its message of self-hate to you.

Firstly, coping tools.
These can be anything, really. I made a box of items that help me stay grounded and calm. A collection of classical music, a plush toy that's been with me since I was 6 months old. A sketch pad and pencils. Notes from friends telling me positive things they think about me.
I also have an arsenal of mental coping tools I use, for example breathing patterns (breathe in slowly, hold my breath while counting to 8, breathe out slowly) and creating a mind scape of calm and peace (helps if you can conjure images in your mind at will, but not necessary). I had some very bad coping tools in my past, and I DO NOT recommend anyone to use pain or danger to get through distress.

Which brings me to the second thing - asking for help.
Admitting vulnerability can be like digging a ditch with a teaspoon. It's very, very hard to admit that we need other people. Society dictates that the individual has to be independent and self-sufficient. However, admitting that I need other people have given me a sense of independence I've never felt before. The hard part for me is that I don't want to inconvenience my friends and family. It took me years to internalize that they actually WANT to help me, but that they don't want to bother me. Asking for help when I need it makes both them and me feel useful and significant. As someone living with BPD, the fear of being abandoned if I am a bother has in the past prevented me from seeking help from family and friends, which in turn caused a brain meltdown. Remember that most people in your social circle like you for who you are and want to be there when you need them (just remember to return the favor when you're able).

Every human alive is a miracle, if compared to the grand scale of things. We are tiny in the universe and that makes our very existence a miracle of epic proportions.


DFTBA