BPJ Inc: Forgiveness

If you haven't understood it already, this blog doesn't really have a common theme other than "This is interesting. Let's talk about it". so I hope not too many people will be surprised as I turn from spanking and BDSM to the concept of forgiveness.

Backstory

Nah, I'm not doing this this time. People (yes, me too) can be ass hats. End of story.

Actual Topic

Forgiveness is a very abstract concept and something that has been debated for millennia. Punishing those who have wronged us is part of one of the earliest finds of recorded text in history. All religions have some law or story about forgiving those who have wronged us and punishing those who are evil. All countries in the world have laws about how to behave. All communities have norms and moral values.

Apologizing for something you've done that caused someone else pain can sometimes be really hard. Apologizing sincerely and without putting pressure on the injured party is even harder. (See this video for reference on how NOT to apologize). Forgiving someone who has not apologized to you is seen as impossible by many.

Forgiving someone is not about the person apologizing, though. It is about how the injured party feels.

When I find it in me to forgive those who have hurt me, I let go of resentment and bitterness. Forgiving someone is like slamming a door in their faces and saying "You no longer have a room in my mind, my heart, or in my life." A recently published study in the SPPS even links health benefits to forgiving others.

HOWEVER, forgiving a person does not mean you forgive what they did. I have forgiven those who bullied me for five years, but I will NEVER forgive the bullying. Forgiving my bullies meant that I let go of the bitterness I held towards them. I will always take a stand against bullying, because abuse is always wrong. 

Thinking about apologizing as taking responsibility for my actions also removes any shame I might feel about the act of apologizing. I hurt someone, intentionally or not, and I am strong enough to admit my misdeed and apologize for what I did. Remembering that I can't demand forgiveness also drills home my responsibility I have when it comes to my words and actions.

Be kind, be considerate, and remember that only you is exactly like you. You will unavoidably hurt others and you will be hurt. It's life. How you react to it decides how you will live.

DFTBA