The roles I play - Part 5. Wife

This post is about my take on the stereotype of the "Perfect Wife". I do not endorse this kind of stereotype, or any kind of stereotype, and I do not look down on those who enjoy being house wives/stay at home mothers. If you find joy and happiness in your life, no one has the right to judge you for it and I hail your strength.


Part 5. Wife

Boy and I got married in September last year. At first it was just because it was easier to get married than to set up a domestic partnership contract, but now I've noticed that saying "my husband" about Boy feels really really good (let's not get into the discussion about the word 'husband', please).

The biggest problem is that the thought that I micro-manage Boy's life has become ever firmer in the minds of especially older people in my life. Somehow, there's this belief that just because we were dating and are now married, I know every little detail about what he does all day and that I somehow make all the decisions in our relationship. I have lost count of the times people have looked at me in disbelief when I refuse to make plans without talking to Boy first. The looks turn to something close to annoyance if I make plans without Boy if he happens to be away or busy. It's like because we're married, we're somehow attached, physically.

I am my own person. I am an independent, thinking individual who just happens to have found the love of my life. I married this person, but it didn't change who I am. It didn't change Boy's and my relationship other than on paper.

Thing is, Boy and I dated for eight and a half years before we got married. When my depression got to its worst point in 2011-2012, I didn't think we would last, but after I got help and on medication, I can't imagine a day without Boy in my life. He has been the support I needed to get through some of my darkest times and he never let me take the easy way out of improving myself.

We established a very good report early on and it hasn't changed. We talk about everything and anything we find interesting.

I am his wife and Boy is my husband. I am not his personal assistant, his calendar, or planner. I will not make decisions for him as I know that he won't make decisions for me.

I cook for him if he asks me, just as he cooks for me if I ask him. We make plans together, cook meals together, do the laundry and house cleaning according to plans we've made together.

We made the decision to not have children together. (I'll get to that later)

I will not play the part of a stereotypical Good Wife just to meet others' expectations, but I do expect others to respect that Boy and I are married. Mostly, if you want one, you get the other.

I wish that everyone could experience a relationship as loving, trusting, and encouraging as I have found with Boy.

DFTBA