When the cards are speaking

I don't believe that the future is set in stone.
I believe that each choice we make shapes the path ahead of us, often in small and subtle ways.

I have always wanted to travel. To see new places and meet new people. I get irritated if I have to say in the same place for too long, and I've always dreamed about just taking a detour and explore areas I've never seen before.

There has, however, always been a fear in the back of my mind. A fear of judgement, anger, and alienation that has prevented me from seeking the horizon. Too many times being told not to wander off, not to talk to strangers. Don't touch that, don't taste that.

And now I sit here, in Ireland, hundreds of kilometers away from everything I once knew, and I am no longer afraid. I talk to strangers much more frequently than I used to. I dare taste food I've never tried. I dare drink wine I've never enjoyed. I explore my surroundings with the same curiosity I remember I used to have. I am nervous about getting a job - not because of the work or the people, but because I might see even less of Boy.

I have bought two dresses that are an inch shorter than my comfort zone, and one dress a bit tighter than I'd like, but I feel amazing about wearing all three.

The sun is shining outside and there's a breeze running in the trees. The only reason why I am not outside in the sun is because I haven't gotten around to buying sun screen yet.

Now, I am going to make myself some tea, and enjoy the warmth in the shade out on my balcony.

DFTBA