The other day, I wrote a post I ended up deleting after it was published to the blog. It was not because of something someone said or did, but because it wasn't true to me. I am not a hateful person. I am not an angry person. Writing a post that's just an angry spew of words is not who I am and it's not honest. And that is what this post is about. Being honest to yourself.
Background
For most of my life, I've tried very hard to fit in, to belong, many times to the point of diminishing myself in order to not be a bother. (See the The Roles I Play series) I still have some major self-destructive tendencies, as in, when someone I like and/or admire show interest in me, I turn into a puppy desperate for attention, and they eventually leave, because I am annoying. I am getting better at pulling back and not drown people in attention. It is easier now than it was, because now, I am more honest about who I am, both in relationship with others and towards myself.
Not until recently did I notice that when I am honest I get positive attention, but when I just do what I think is expected, I get mostly negative attention.
I don't hide myself anymore. I don't spill everything at any time, but what I do share is true.
Topic
So much of society is about fitting into a mold made by norms, expectations, and traditions. Those who don't fit into this shape are pushed and shamed and stigmatized until they either fit in or are discarded. And yet, we admire those who rise above the expectations. Who dare be more than society dictates. Those who don't fit into the norm, and refuse to be squashed into a mold.
Tess Holliday - The model without the typical model body.
Caitlyn Jenner - The athlete who can finally live her own life.
Aydian Dowling - The Men's Health cover model.
Just a few names, but their stories inspire because they're true. We're brought up on the idea that we should follow the norms, yet our heroes are those who dare to break the norms, to challenge the status quo, and do it without being false.
Humans have an instinctual ability to spot inconsistency. We prefer consistent narratives, be they true or false. It is, however, easier to be consistent in a honest story, and humans also have an ability to spot dishonesty. We might get uncomfortable when faced with some truths, especially about ourselves, but honesty helps us soar. Being true to ourselves helps us let go of burdens, even if we don't share the truths with others.
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
- Polonius, "Hamlet"
DFTBA
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