My body, my rules

 I don't like to be touched by strangers. Hell, in most cases, I'd rather not shake hands with people. It has nothing to do with fear of bacteria or sweat or anything like that. I just don't like it when people I don't know get that close to me.

I don't even hug members of my Family of Origin that often. I kiss my mom on the cheek when I leave them, but I have been doing that since I was a toddler, so that won't likely stop. I hugged my parents, my sister, and my dad-in-law when I left for Dublin (that was the first or second time in 9 years I've hugged dad-in-law). That was also the first time in years I have hugged my dad.

I have been living in Ireland for little over a week now, and I jump and cringe slightly every time someone touches my back or shoulder. I know it's natural for them, and I know it's a sign of "I know you're here, I am grateful that you're here, and I listen to you" but it still feels strange. It's just something I'll have to get used to. I know that if I told people to not touch me, they would stop. Only one person so far has given me any doubts about their intentions with the touching, and I will not let that creepy guy disrupt my perception of the people I have met.

This article perfectly outlines why a child should never have to hug someone they don't want to hug. In addition, there needs to be more articles about why you shouldn't touch people who don't want to be touched. However, especially children need to be shown that their bodies are their own and they decide who touches them, just as I, as an adult, decide who gets to touch me.

Because when I say that I want to get used to getting patted on the shoulder, it's not because I feel a need to fit in to this new culture. It is because I want to get rid of the feeling of oh-shit-I'm-going-to-get-hurt that rises in me whenever a stranger gets close to me. My personal space is huge. If anyone I don't know well comes within 4 feet of me, I feel uncomfortable.

It's not from having a bamboo stick swishing at my head during martial practice or one too many beach balls to the face or even playing tennis and being served in the stomach. Those things I can handle with ease. I have been poked by fencing swords and I have crashed in ski slopes and in ski lifts. The only part I can't handle is the knowledge that I can't trust most people with my boundaries, and that is painful. Every touch from a stranger says "I can do this and you won't stop me". Every stroke, every pat, every handshake enforces a kind of I-take-too-much-space thinking, and that is what I need to unlearn. I need to learn to stand firmly in my own space, on my own foundation, and proudly say "Here I am. I decide who gets close to me and why. I will not shy away from friendly touches and I will loudly oppose unwanted touching. Because my body is my own, and Jerk!Brain can burn in a volcano for all I care."

DFTBA