Random thoughts

This post was inspired both by the book "Under det rosa täcket" by Nina Björk (not sure if it has an English translation yet. If it does, read it. It's really good) and this song by Disturbed.

Everyday we wake with a drive to move forwards, but also with the social norms imprinted in our minds. Some of these norms prevent us from ever reaching our true potential.

Simone de Beauvoir wrote about the role of the woman in early 20th century France and it seems her thoughts revolved around women being denied the right to fulfill their potential as humans. Her dream seemed to be not to push women into being men, or elevating women above men, but to ensure that all humans had the same right to their own dreams.

Women are expected to fill the roles of Mothers, Caregivers, and Wives, and the women who do not want these roles deny their true selves (from the Swedish book "Under det rosa täcket" by Nina Björk, 1996). But who decide what a person's true self is, other than the individual themselves?

I am who I am, with the flaws and good traits and hopes and dreams I developed during my life. It is a strength to know who you are, but there will always be that little voice in your head, repeating every bad comment you've ever heard.

I step into the world each day, looking for new things to discover.
Sometimes I cry and sometimes I want to hide from everything.
You look at me and you see me smile. You look at me and you see no damage, no scars.
I have learned to hide. To protect myself from any further harm dealt to my mind, but in building the walls around me, in creating a nigh impenetrable mask, I denied myself joy and beauty and laughter.

You see me smile, but you refuse to see the pain I try to explain.
I am a introvert who loves social interaction, yet live with social phobia. I want human contact, but I cringe away when people try to touch me.
I have no physical maladies to explain why I become tired and unfocused.

I would never try to force my views on someone else. All I will try is tell you what I see, the beauty I see in a rain drop on a yellow leaf in autumn. The marvel that is a thick blanket of sparkling white snow under a gray winter sky. The wonder I experience when I look at an erupting volcano or a tsunami. I find majesty in disasters. I mourn for the people lost and the areas destroyed, but I will not deny the beauty of Nature, in all Her forms.

My mind is a mine field of pain and hurt and deep gorges of depression. My heart is both jaded and trusting. I would rather get my heart broken again and again than deny myself my true, trusting nature.

I see joy and beauty and smiles everywhere, and I will talk about it, but I also understand that others might not see the world the way I do. I will not tell you to perk up or to be more happy or to "understand" the world as I see it. If I ever do, please smack me, because I do not want to insult anyone by calling their thoughts and ideas inferior just because they're different.

My body is my own and it's beautiful. My mind is my own and it's fantastic. Smile if you want to smile. Cry if you want to cry. Laugh if you want to laugh. Remember, all emotions are wonderful and necessary. Do not deny who you are just to fit someone else's comfort zone.