Small pleasures

Around a week ago, Ben Patrick Johnson posted some pictures and tweets about enjoying the simple pleasures in life. I was inspired to write something, but I couldn't get the words to flow until today.


It is so easy to forget to enjoy things you see every day. Taking people and places for granted is very very simple and only when they're gone can we see what we had. As a person born and raised in a first world country, it is also very easy for me to take things like running, drinkable water, three meals of fresh food per day, and clean clothes for granted. However, yesterday, I was met with the most awe inspiring experience I've had in months.

Yesterday was moving day. I left my home in Sweden and set off from Gothenburg to my new home in Dublin. Now, I easily get motion sick, so I wasn't looking forward to the flying in itself. I was very excited about seeing Boy again and experiencing a whole new city and country, but I was not looking forward to the flight.
To say that I was happily to be completely wrong would be an understatement. The medical gum I bought worked perfectly and the flight was calm and relaxing. The food was great, the crew was amazing, and the scenery was absolutely breath taking.

While chewing on a piece of still-steaming hot bread, I was suddenly struck by the sheer joy of looking out at a view no one had seen before the Wright Brothers managed to get their flying machine working.

It was perfection. Fluffy clouds, tainted in pink and white and gold, passed over a silver ocean dotted with cargo ships and a lone sail boat. On the horizon, pillars of blinding white clouds reached towards darker heavens, surrounding the blue and silver in a massive frame.

And it hit me that I was sitting in a can, cruising at 12000 meters above the North Sea, watching this amazing view on my way to see the love of my life-so-far.

Finally being ably to hug him again, after four months apart, was so nice. Just a hug made my heart beat faster and I didn't even mind the rain.
The best part of landing in Dublin was just snuggling down in a warm bed and doing nothing, after meeting the two great people we're sharing apartment with, and after a pint of Guinness at a kind of cute pub down the road.

Being stressed out over a hundred big things makes me really appreciate the small pleasures where I get them. Just spending the morning in bed, talking to my parents on Skype, touching Boy whenever I feel like it, and just feel good.

Show appreciation and enjoy life, especially when "nothing is happening". You never know when that calm will be over and you'll long for it again.

DFTBA

BPJ Inc: Cheshire's Land

Appropriate tattoo is appropriate.

      I drew the concept, the artist made the final version. The quote is from Bruce Dickinson's "Darkness Be My Friend"

Sometimes, I wake up to one of those days, when everything seems like the world is just a coat of paint away from being Wonderland. I can never be entirely certain if it's good or bad, but it's always interesting. For a while, I wasn't sure if it was my medication, my over-active imagination, or if I was going completely mad.

Yesterday was one of those days. I woke from a weird dream about my boss being angry because Boy and I was late for tea at a cafe at the North Pole. Then I realized that the phone was playing "The Ship's Going Down" by Voltaire for the third day in a row (my alarm shuffles through the songs on my phone and picks a random song as alarm signal. Well, it's supposed to.)

Went to work after being followed around the house by my sister's dog. He's a cutie, but he's as bad as Boy's grandma when it comes to actually using words to express what he wants.

Then there were Ben Patrick Johnson being goofy about twitter recommendations, which nearly made me spray my work computer with coffee. Female pornstars and cats. Sure, why not.
My co-worker was her usual, not quite there self. I love her dearly, but she gives life to the saying "The wheel's spinning, but the hamster is dead."

And then tortoise in alcohol.  Seriously, tortoise in alcohol. Why is there a tortoise in alcohol, BPJ?

Eyelash batting, pussy power (Cats! Mind out of the gutter!), and multiple Ben's, oh my! I have yet to try drinking wine in the shower, though I have tried mixing Powerking-And-Moonshine with MMORPG. It gets really interesting when suddenly- two screens!

And no, I'm not drunk, though that is an idea. Trust me, I can get a lot weirder than this without getting drunk. Just ask the Elementary School children subjected to the impromptu duet of HIM's "Join Me" me and Jackson performed, or the rewriting of "Rudolph, The Red-nosed Reindeer" also, courtesy Jackson. Also, I have work tomorrow, and I would rather not add a hang-over to bored-stiff.

And so, my really weird day ended with an extended rant on body shaming.

I think my point with this post is that you should allow weirdness into your life. Be childish and weird and goofy. The world is not fair and life is a serious thing, so make it more interesting by being random. People will stare, but so what? Should the pettiness of others prevent you from living life in a great way?

DFTBA

Rant me a river

I don't like to write posts when I'm angry, but this time I will. It's about body shaming, which is a nasty thing and so infesting our culture that this post will most likely piss a lot of people off.

Background

I am fat.
There's no getting a-round that (see what I did there?) I am 173 cm tall (5'8" for non-metric people) and I weigh 120 kg (265 lbs). This means that I am fat. Over-weight. Obese. Rotund. Tubby.

WHATEVER.

1. My body is in great condition. At my last check-up about five months ago all levels where in the normal range, even my blood pressure. I can run up four sets of stairs without getting winded, and I have asthma. Now, imagine lugging 50 kg on your back up four staircases and not get winded.

I can swim 3 km in under 40 minutes, and this after not being a competitive swimmer since I was 13 years old. I can walk 7.2 km in under an hour. Before I moved to my parents' house this past Friday, I rode my bike back and forth to work every day, Monday through Friday.

But apparently, I am unhealthy because I'm fat. Apparently, I need more exercise and I need to loose weight to get healthy. Apparently, I am lazy.

2. I shower every day. I can't use perfume, because of my asthma, but I use a perfume free deodorant. I am always chewing sugar-free gum, because I am very conscious of my breath. 

Yet, when I go shopping, I can see the store clerks look at me in disgust. When they see me, they see a fat woman, and they assume I have bad hygiene. I have seen looks of surprise when I pass them and they scent no BO. Just soap and the almond scent of my body lotion. Yes, I know this is the case, because I am apparently just not smelly, I am deaf too. I've heard the clerks discussing their surprise at my lack of nasty smell.

3. I aced my national tests. I have an IQ of 115. My high school grade was a B+ average, even though I didn't open a single book my senior year. I can find connections and co-relations in basically any subject. I read Ancient Civilizations, astrophysics, and watch Numberphile because I think it's fun.

Yet, I have had people offer to help explain things to me for the most basic of assignments. I've had people talk to me like I'm an idiot, patronizing the hell out of me, while pointing to whatever I asked for. I've seriously had a librarian say "Are you sure? That book might be too difficult for you" when I asked for a book by Stephen Hawking. Bitch, I can read a 300 page novel in a DAY! Why would a book be too hard for me, when I specifically ask for it?

Boy and I on our wedding day.

Actual Topic

OK, I'm calm now.
The point of this post is this - Do NOT judge people before you get to know them. Body shaming helps no one. All bodies are beautiful. Skinny bodies, fat bodies, medium bodies. Tall bodies, short bodies. ALL Bodies Are Beautiful. The shape of the body does not equal health, fitness, intelligence, or hygiene, as shown by the studies linked below (Yes, I did my research).

Every time a child is born it is a miracle. The odds against life in the Universe are literary astronomical. At any moment, an asteroid can slip past Jupiter's pull and hurdle straight for Earth.
Only one in four attempts at getting pregnant is successful. Carrying a child to term is very hard on the body and miscarriage is always a possibility. Just reaching the age of one year old is a hardship in most of the animal kingdom, including humans.

To see an adult human being should be associated with awe at the stubbornness of life, not with disgust, shame, or prejudice. That human has faced the odds and survived them to encounter you, who also faced the odds and conquered them, at that moment in time. Meeting someone is just awesome!

DFTBA

Important links

BMI
Exercise is good, y'all.
Genetics
Fat warning, *legasp*
Because SCIENCE

The road goes ever on...

In five days, I will be leaving Swedish soil and make my way to a new life in a new country. For four months now, I have been preparing myself for this - packing, throwing away things, donating other things. Paperwork and re-arrangements. Cleaning out both cupboards and memories.

By all accounts, I should be either freaking out or feeling separation anxiety, but I just feel excitement. True, I am not looking forward to flying. I get so ill when I fly and if it's one thing I really really hate, it's being nauseous. However, the wanderlust in me is like an over-happy puppy, bouncing around and wagging its tail.

It's so very hard to explain why I don't feel sad about leaving.
I have really good friends here. There are places in this town and in the neighboring townships that I love with a burning passion. And yet, I feel no sadness waving goodbye to all of that. I will miss my friends, that's for sure, but somehow I have this feeling that they won't be gone even though I won't see them every day. Maybe it's because of my mental compartmentalizing. Maybe it's because I'm used to saying goodbye and/or not having close friends. JerkBrain is trying to shame me with "You just don't care about anyone but yourself"and I do feel bad about not feeling bad, but then I mentally shrug and go back to being excited.

I have never really had one place that I call 'home'. Where I've lived either have painful memories attached or have just been temporary. I have felt like I'm mid transfer all my life, always moving towards somewhere else. This is the first time I've ever felt that I am going to move home, and it has nothing to do with the place and everything with seeing Boy again. Everything here is so familiar that it is a part of who I am. Boy is someone who is not a part of my past. He is not a part of the hurt and the frustration.

This town holds memories, both bad and good. Dublin is completely new to me, and I live for new adventures. Going to Dublin is like running out on a diving board, jumping to gain momentum and height, then flying in a perfect arc before diving into the water, body sliding like a knife through the water surface.
Leaving is just like stepping out of a cage to feel warmth on my face.

BPJ Inc: Forgiveness

If you haven't understood it already, this blog doesn't really have a common theme other than "This is interesting. Let's talk about it". so I hope not too many people will be surprised as I turn from spanking and BDSM to the concept of forgiveness.

Backstory

Nah, I'm not doing this this time. People (yes, me too) can be ass hats. End of story.

Actual Topic

Forgiveness is a very abstract concept and something that has been debated for millennia. Punishing those who have wronged us is part of one of the earliest finds of recorded text in history. All religions have some law or story about forgiving those who have wronged us and punishing those who are evil. All countries in the world have laws about how to behave. All communities have norms and moral values.

Apologizing for something you've done that caused someone else pain can sometimes be really hard. Apologizing sincerely and without putting pressure on the injured party is even harder. (See this video for reference on how NOT to apologize). Forgiving someone who has not apologized to you is seen as impossible by many.

Forgiving someone is not about the person apologizing, though. It is about how the injured party feels.

When I find it in me to forgive those who have hurt me, I let go of resentment and bitterness. Forgiving someone is like slamming a door in their faces and saying "You no longer have a room in my mind, my heart, or in my life." A recently published study in the SPPS even links health benefits to forgiving others.

HOWEVER, forgiving a person does not mean you forgive what they did. I have forgiven those who bullied me for five years, but I will NEVER forgive the bullying. Forgiving my bullies meant that I let go of the bitterness I held towards them. I will always take a stand against bullying, because abuse is always wrong. 

Thinking about apologizing as taking responsibility for my actions also removes any shame I might feel about the act of apologizing. I hurt someone, intentionally or not, and I am strong enough to admit my misdeed and apologize for what I did. Remembering that I can't demand forgiveness also drills home my responsibility I have when it comes to my words and actions.

Be kind, be considerate, and remember that only you is exactly like you. You will unavoidably hurt others and you will be hurt. It's life. How you react to it decides how you will live.

DFTBA

BPJ Inc: Nibblies

I am not wigging out about flying to Ireland in about a week!! *obscure Eddie Izzard reference*


Today's topic over at Ben Patrick Johnson's twitter is about playful spankings, and what a person might do to earn that fun from their significant other. Now, I have mentioned my BDSM preferences in the past, but some people might not be as obsessive about reading back logs as I am, so let's start with that.

I am a masochistic submissive with a mischievous streak a mile wide. This means that I am usually on the receiving end of any spankings handed out.

...Don't need to use too much to convince me that handing out spankings is a good thing... Just sayin'

- Boy

Boy and I met in 2006, at another mind-numbingly boring thing the employment agency conjured up to make the statistics look better. That time it was different classes meant to improve our chances of landing a job. At the time, I was still recovering from getting rejected by a love interest, but Boy and I immediately became friends and most likely made life very... let's say 'interesting'... for the people trying to teach us things. Two months of hanging out in class and being goofs during breaks, we became an "item". We got engaged on Dec 31 2006 and we got married on Sept 13 2014. April 9 2015 was our 9 year anniversary. Which brings me to Today's Topic.

On April 9 2006, I called Boy and asked him if he wanted to come over and hang out, maybe watch a movie, or something. He came over, he said Hi to my parents, and we went to my room (I was 20 years old at the time, as was he). We talked, goofed around, and I popped Moon Child into the DVD player. At some point during the movie, I decided to start tickling Boy, and things kind of escalated from there. Turns out Boy is -extremely- ticklish. Turns out that I -really- like strong hands restricting the movement of my arms.

Most of what I know about my sexual preferences have come from tickling Boy and him trying to get away. Leaving crumbs in the bed, tickling Boy, or just being a tease can earn me a spanking. Spanking, and other similar things, is a game for us. Both of us like it and it's pleasurable. Having fun and gaining pleasure is the core of BDSM for us.

BDSM stands for Bondage Discipline Dominance/Submission Sadism/Masochism. Spankings would fall under the DSM parts. It can be playful, naughty, and a game. It can be intimate, a way to push limits, and to "punish" a sub in a Scene. Spankings can be used to warm up the skin for heavier play or a way to put all Scene participants in the right state of mind. 

Some like punches to chest and thighs. 

Some like open hand spanking, some prefer tools. Tools can include paddles, canes, crops, whips, floggers, and belts. Most of those sting. A flogger has more of a thudding impact, while the pain from a whip depends on the number of tails. A single-tail stings more than a nine-tail. 

If you use an open palm to spank a partner, remember that full hand impact stings more than grazing with just fingers. An impact with just the meat of the bottom of your palm is more like a punch.

I guess if you want to be a tease, use your fingers to spank with. It gives an impact, but let's the person sit down without cringing too much. Slapping someone's butt right before dinner with the in-laws is just evil (but fun). Yes, I speak from experience, and yes, I was on the receiving end.

No matter what you prefer, remember to always make sure it's ok. Spanking a stranger is creepy and wrong. Spanking your partner can be sexy.

DFTBA

BPJ Inc: Let's Talk

  SEX

Now that's out of the way, let's get to the topic of today. As you might have guessed, today's BPJ Inc is about sex. I know many of you are uncomfortable with this subject, so I hope you're using your judgement in matters like these. Also, please refrain from reading this if your laws prohibit it. I can't stop you, but it's on your heads if you get offended or in trouble.

We good? Let's get started.

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First of all, I want to give some advice on getting together with someone for the first time. When you have decided that you want to do the horizontal folk dance and both/all of you are consenting, there are really only three things to remember.

1. Use protection. 

2. No, seriously. Use protection!

3. STIs are no joke. Be safe.

STIs can also be transmitted orally, so do remember to protect your tongue and mouth as well.

If a penis wielding person claims they're too big for a condom, walk away. You can pull a condom from your toes to your knee without it breaking, like so.

If they're too big to use a condom, they're too big to fit inside you. Remove yourself from that situation before you get hurt.

When you've decided to get sticky, remember the lube. Condoms can tear if there's too much friction. Either get that foreplay action going and/or get some condom safe lube. You can never use too much lube. Many a bad situation can come from a torn condom. You do not want that to happen to you.

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Actual Topic.

The topic over at Ben Patrick Johnson's twitter was "What do you like about sex?" so now that the impromptu sex ed portion is over, let's get to that part.

I like sex. It feels good. The intimacy with my partner is amazing. The post-coital cuddling is really comforting. I like to cuddle any time I can, but there's something special about cuddling after a mind blowing orgasm.

I love how sex can make me forget social rules, norms, and regulations. Sex with Boy makes me feel beautiful and sexy. The look in his eyes during intercourse makes me feel like the most important person in the world, and looking at him makes me forget everything except the moment and the gorgeous man I'm with.

"But... you don't like sex. Aren't you asexual?" I don't feel like going into this again. Repeating myself gets boring. Go here instead. It's a great Q&A about being ace.

Kissing, hugging, cuddling, and being so close to someone I love is amazing. 

There's also the mischievous part of me who enjoys talking about sex, especially with my mother. She was a midwife for her entire career and normally has not even an inkling about what shame is when it comes to intercourse and procreation. Growing up, The Talk consisted of my mom dumping a box of condoms in front of me and saying "You know what these are for. Use them." Finding ways to make my otherwise shameless mother blush when talking about sex was a goal of mine. I was 18 or 19 when I finally found it. BDSM. Also, telling all members of my FoO to not ask me questions they really don't want to know the answer to amuses me greatly. They tend get so awkward and flustered.

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Final comment

The point of this thing is that sex isn't scary, nasty, sinful, or dirty. Experienced between consenting adults, it can be beautiful, peaceful, and pleasurable. All humans are different and experience intimacy differently. I love being touched. It doesn't matter if it's in a platonic or sexual way. Some people don't like being touched at all. Some people crave sex and some don't want it at all. Celebrate the differences, cherish the varied experiences, and communicate what you want.

And stay awesome.