For the past three days, I have been watching Kuroko no Basket, and it made me realize something. Being one of a kind is very lonely.
I don't think the way people I know think. I break everything down into smallest common denominators, which makes it extremely easy for me to find connections and co-relations between any subject I am faced with. I can see the path from one end to the other without any real effort, which made school really easy.
And really, really boring.
This is not me bragging, because why brag about something that causes me pain?
From the day I started 2nd grade, I've actively made myself stupid in order to fit in, and to not be bored. It even became second nature, and by the time I started high school, I din't think about what I was doing. My senior year of high school and my first year of university, I didn't open a single book, and I passed every test, every assignment, and every class.
It was during my nine months in Las Vegas that I finally found someone who could understand how I think, and who could push me out of my slump. A brilliant star named Jackson, who was, and is, smarter than I am, but in a very different way. I had fun in school again. I wanted to talk to Jackson about everything, but there wasn't enough time.
I went back to Sweden and started my senior year of high school, and I was bored again. Jackson came to visit the summer after we both graduated, and we had a blast. One month of shenanigans and pranks. Jackson went on to study the human mind, and I am so very proud of them. They still have that edge, that amazing mind, and caring heart.
Seven months after I graduated high school, Boy came into my life, and again, I had someone who would challenge me, intellectually. Someone who understood the way I think, and loves discussions about everything. It took me almost eight years of dating this guy before I could totally drop my imposed stupidity, and admit that life is fun, even when I'm not like everyone else. Yes, it is very lonely to be one of a kind, and I can't explain how I think to most people around me, but I now have a family of people who are supremely intelligent, with minds to rival the smartest in history. Sakuya, Nova, Jackson, Boy. All of them think in different ways, and all of them challenge me. For the longest time, I craved a challenge, and now, I feel like I need to know more, to study more, to experience more, just to keep up.
I will never not feel lonely whenever I feel a need to explain how I think and be met with sneers or blank stares, but I know, finally, that I am not stupid. I am not the one who needs to adapt, to force myself to fit into someone else's comfort zone.
Yes, I need to learn patience.
Yes, I need to learn how to explain things.
Yes, just because it's easy for me, doesn't mean it's easy for someone else.
Yes, I can use my thinking to help others.
No, I don't have to defend myself, my interests, or the way I think, because I have people in my life who will leave me in the dust, intellectually, if I ever dumb myself down again.
Thank you.
DFTBA
