The Child

I have long struggled with what to me have felt like a separation of mind and emotions and today I figured out why.
I was sitting on the bus, getting severely annoyed by the bus driver's jumpy way of driving (I like the Knight Bus as much as the next person, but I prefer my "bumpy ride" to be either magical or in the bedroom) when it struck me that my reactions were very much like a child's. My emotions flare up and calm down much like a pre-teen child's would and it hit me why I have felt distress when it comes to the link between my mind and my emotions.

I have the mind of a 27, soon 28, year old woman, but I have the emotional maturity of a pre-teenage child.

I see the world with wonder and awe, much like the stereotype of a child. I am curious, greedy, impatient, and obsessive, much like you would expect from a child. I think in pictures, never ever in words. I jump from topic to topic, I link things together, and I feel anticipation much in the same way I did as a child. In my thoughts, there are no limitations when it comes to imagination, and so I can find connections other people around me just don't see.

I don't know why my emotions stopped maturing, but I suspect it is because of trauma. The hell I went through started before adolescence, so I guess that, while my mind developed the way that was expected, learning things, my emotions just stopped maturing, leaving me confused and disorientated.

Now, keep in mind that I have no education in psychology. This is just my guess. It just really fits.

My childlike mind has given me a lot of grief in the past.

"You have too much imagination"

"Stop being such a kid"

"Grow up"

All I really have to do is accept that who I am is a strange mix-n-mash of childlike impatience, matured love, eagerness, stubbornness, awe, insatiable curiosity, and a strange sense of frustration. I need to learn to accept what makes me unique, and stop trying to conform to the norm.