TW: Abstinence and so on

I promised to write about my extended absense and so I will.

Trigger warnings apply for depression, social anxiety, and generalized anxiety disorder.

After I turned 30 years old, I guess you can say I went through a crisis of sorts. I have never been one to get hung up on an age or on aging in general, but for some reason, my inner abuser decided to start pointing out that I'm 30 years old and I still don't have a finished education, a job, any close friends who live near me, or any way to help out around the house, because our room mate have banned me from using any kitchen appliance that's not the microwave oven or the water boiler. I'm not going to get into that, because it makes me angry and it's nothing I can change, so there's no point in ranting about it. The whole Serenity Prayer and all that. Try it, it really works. You can even remove/substitute the word "God" if you don't believe in the Abrahamic deity.

"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference."

    - Reinhold Niebuhr 1892 - 1971

Anyhow, the reason I went off into my own lands was because of a combination of my inner abuser grabbing hold and convinced me that no one cares anyway, of some amazing opportunities falling through due to no fault of me (but the Abuser really likes to tell me it's all my fault), of me phasing out my anti-depressants, and me getting the worst cold I've had in years. I've been bed ridden for days, coughing for two weeks, and fighting a fever off and on for three weeks.

I have also discovered that the game Binding of Isaac is a great coping tool for me. It takes me out of my head just long enough for me to get a handle on my anxieties and depression and to start functioning again.

I want to write this blog for my own sake. Writing things down helps me think and sort through my day. It helps me get a third person view on the vile spew that comes out of my abuser's mouth and to get fight it. I want to update at least once per week, but I also need to remember that I'm not a bad person if I miss an update. 

Next post will be about Boy's and my trip into Dublin City Center for our tenth anniversary.

DFTBA