BPJ Inc: Being present

Wow, I haven't written anything for so long. I am so terribly sorry about this and I hope there are people who are still interested in reading this blog. My aspiration is to post at least once per week from now on, and my next post will address the reason for this impromptu absense.



But now I want to take on the topic for today, which was also given way too long ago - being present.

When I had my breakdown in 2013, I was forced to learn how to relax and focus on what was happening in the present instead of planning for things to come. My brain just couldn't handle planning beyond the coming 10 minutes, so I had to adapt.
Pushing myself into being present has helped me stave off anxiety episodes and crippling bouts of depression. It helps me in my relationship with Boy, and the rest of my family. It helps me be creative and positive, even though I struggle with the latter. I say "pushing myself", because staying put in the current moment is not a small feat. It is so very hard to do. It sounds like something that should be easy, but planning ahead is so much easier than staying in the present. Every single thing you see, feel, smell, or taste will either wake up memories or push you into plans for the future. "This reminds me of...", "Oh, that smells like pasta. Dinner tonight?" and thoughts like that. I have a well working way to push me into staying in the moment, but I've been informed that having sex everywhere, all the time, is very impractical and sometimes illegal. Sure, post coital cuddling is very grounding, but probably not recommended for all situations.
I know not everyone will find these tips helpful. These are just tools I have found useful, tools that work for me, and I know that changing the way you think about things can be a task Sisyphos would find impossible, but it gets easier with practice. Hell, it took me four months to get to my first successful attempt (that didn't immediately dissolve into anxious jibber-jabber of what-ifs) and I felt I had to try in order to remain sane in any capacity.

I want to recommend two different approaches, one for when you're with someone else and one for when you're on your own, for staying focused on the here-and-now.

The first one is for social situations and it is to listen.
I know, very odd idea, but hear me out (see what I did there?). I used to be the person who always had snarky reply or a sarcastic comment for everything. I thought I was being funny and edgy and interesting, but I was just being childish and very unproductive. And very very bored. When I stopped looking for things to snark about, I discovered that actually listening when someone else was talking made me feel entertained, informed, and very grounded. Time would fly away on its tiny bat wings and I would actually miss it.
Listening doesn't have to be hard. If you don't like whoever's talking, listen to the sound of their cadence, or the pitch of their voice, or the rhythm they use to emphasise syllables. If you like the speaker, you can focus on specific words or syllables. Don't try to interpret what they're saying, just listen to what's actually being said, the words in the order they're presented. Actually listening without interpretation or bias will keep you bound in the present, it will help you build rapport with the speaker, and, as added bonus, when you speak, you will sound a lot smarter, because staying focused on the conversation will give you time to think up intelligent contributions.

The second one is for when you're on your own, and it's physical sensations (not sexual).
Say you're watching a movie/TV show/play/trying to sleep and you feel your thoughts start wandering. Instead of fighting it, let your thoughts keep wandering around, but try to focus of the texture of the arm rest, the warmth of the blanket, the softness of your pillow, or the scent of that cup of coffee sitting next to you. Bus late and you're getting bored? Try to enjoy even the faintest warmth from the sun or the subtle nuances of the air on your skin. The bus will show before you realize time has passed.

So maybe you can start today by just hugging a pet, listening to a boring lecture, or have that cup of Bailey's coffee? You've earned it.

DFTBA