Feeling good as a fat girl

I am fat, there's no way around it. At my last weigh in, which was in December, mind you, I weighed 275 lbs. Before I got sick, I weighed 222.5 lbs.

Thing is, I can be very lazy. I love to sit. I love to sleep. I love to find a quiet corner and read. This, and a life time of being called ugly, disgusting, nasty etc lead to some seriously bad choices, such as quitting competitive swimming and eating things I found, and still find, to be really gross. I did this, because I was sure I didn't deserve nice things.

Eight and a half years ago, I met a wonderful man, who taught me that the only person's opinion about me that really matters is my own. He taught me that I deserve the best I can get and more just for being alive. With his help, I have started to love myself for everything I am, and in the process I've come to love him even more.

It is true that in order for us to love others we have to first love ourselves, unconditionally and for everything we are.

Yesterday, I made the decision to start exercising again. Not my brightest moment, going out for a power walk in 29 C temperature and 64% humidity, but I was determined to not find another excuse to back out.

Heavens, am I glad I stuck with it. It was great. Moving in that heat made me feel powerful and alive. The endorphines made the world so much more vibrant while adrenaline made me feel like I was flying. I was exhausted when I got back home, to the point where my legs gave out when I got inside the front door, but I was ecstatic. Hell, even my time from two years ago hadn't changed much. I managed 2.7 km in 22 minutes then, 2.7 km in 25 minutes yesterday, and 2.7 km in 25 minutes today.

People glare at me when I am exercising. Disapproving looks that seem to say "How dare you, a fat woman, enjoy exercise? How dare you smile when sweating like that?" To them I say, try to enjoy life more. Life can be great if you stop worrying so much about what others think, and start loving yourself.

DFTBA